I wanna get married some day!

They laugh!!

“This is new! Are you serious?”

Yes, doesn’t every female want that some day!

I go on… “I have been craving for some deep connection with someone,” I noticed such connections I can’t get them with my mates, not even the guy that helps me climax, I want a soul mate, turned husband/wife perhaps. Not sure of the sexual orientation!

“But you seem to be a free spirit, and aren’t wives meant to be submissive? Something I doubt you’d excel in.” He says…


“You are too opinionated. Don’t get it wrong, I don’t want a woman who always says yes to my demands, or agrees to all my opinions, but you, truth be told, yours is on another level.”

“What does that even mean,” I ask…


“Do you ever compromise anything?” She asks…
Compromise, with the fact that it’s not going to be your way… She adds.

Yes, I do!

“Not unless you know you’ll have your way later,” he interjects…

” How long has your longest relationship been? ” She asks…

They all laugh in unison, “I doubt she’s ever reached the 6 month mark. He says…

I disappear for a moment in my thoughts, they are somewhat right my longest relationship well…  And by relationship, I mean the real kind.. not the other kind where commitment is thrown out of the window and intimacy is the it factor.



“I have been having some dreams lately”, I begin.
“Dreams that make me wake up at 4 in the am. Sometimes even three. Some times I wake up three times or four times.
The same kind of dreams..
Of men with helmets and motorbikes, men with flash lights and cars.

Sometimes it is babies..  of pregnant women. I even was pregnant in my dream and I gave birth to twins…

Then most times it is me and someone pulling this red thing… I don’t know what it is but it is something! Red…”


“I have been having a lot of sex lately”,I go on.
“Like good good sex, steamy, the kind of sex that makes you cum over and over. I have also been touching myself a lot, after every hour or so, I find my self going to the toilet while in the office and doing those bad/good things.”

“Is this normal?” I ask…

“I felt like a whore this one time, when after the sex he gave me some cash to go buy the pill and take a taxi home! I felt cheap, like someone was paying for my services, like he had a point to drive home! “You are just a loose woman!” I can have my way with you and give you pocket change for your services…” I go on.

My eyes are teary, my voice is somewhat croaky, I think I am about to cry, those loud kinda cries!
She touches my hand, pats it gently, “cry, cry it all she says.
These things happen, it is a phase, you’ll soon be past it… But remember to be cautious, you don’t want to catch something that will make you live the rest of your life with regret.

I have many questions that I want to ask, about this “phase” that she says I am on!
I go on telling them of how after my dreams I tear up! Of how after those dreams I wake up with a sharp pain in my feet, of how many times I think of slitting my wrists,such  times i don’t crave  that bitter drink. I tell them that those dreams scare me! The men in helmets and bikes, the babies crying, the women with huge bellies.

But I always feel better after the sex, after touching myself. I feel much better if the guy is a stranger, one who doesn’t know my name, and I will not even remember his face. i go on of how quickies between dark allies excite me, of how lifting my skirt in car parks gives me adrenaline.  I tell them how I feel powerful after the encounter, like I can conquer all that’s thrown my way… 


I want a man that will tame this fire in me! One who will help me conquer my fears.

“Is it wrong to want to get married someday?”

4 Comments Add yours

  1. I just wanna know… the experiences from which such emotional conviction is evoked! You ma’am, write with such authority. Such sternness of feelings…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Junglegarl says:

      I wish I knew where…

      Thank you for the good words

      Liked by 1 person

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