Guilty? Not Guilty!

“Have you tried it?”
“What?” I asked her
We were talking about everything,you know those random conversations, those that have a depth of truth! The brutal kinda?

He interjected, “ever had sex in public!”
Is it a question or a statement?

You see some nights one needs to let loose, over small conversations, meat, and a drink that tickles the throat!

“Let me tell you how my first time was…”
A random stranger decided to join the conversation, “seems you guys are having tonnes of fun, mind if I joined in?”

I wish I said no, this city is full of perverts and a perverted conversation opens the bad type of doors!

“Does God really care?” I ask
This may place me as an aethist, but don’t get me wrong, I am not one!
I believe in God,the father, Christ his son and the holy spirit, it’s called the trinity, Christ in one!

My question brings chills to the table!
Assessing the situation they are all believers in their own right! They believe in a power greater than them!
So this is good for me, I can take the conversation a little further!
I’m not in the mood for small talk nor am I in a mood of intimate conversations, but I need answers, answers to quench my thirst for knowledge!
I lied, answers to compress my guilt!

“Sooooo… The 10 commandments,” I begin!
“Do not commit murder,” the stranger says, “do not steal,” he adds, “do not commit adultery,” she adds…

Silence once again!

“Adultery!” I say, “what’s your take on that?”

Silence again…

“I love my wife, we haven’t walked to the alter yet but I love her! I am also seeing this young lady, she is pretty and understanding! Wish I met her first, before my wife”, the stranger says!

The other two can’t speak!
I know he is married the ring on his finger says so, I know she is sleeping with him if not dating, because she talks alot about him and the escapades they’ve had!

“I’ve been sleeping with a married man, not really married,but somehow married!
They live together have children too…” I say, hoping this will ease the tension that has been created!

“Adultery you asked?
It is a forgivable sin! God forgave David,after he took his soldier’s wife! God also forgave Abraham after he fathered a child with the help,” he says

“But there were consequences,” I interject!
Everything has a consequence he says… every action has a reaction! Sometimes we never forsee the weight of the consequence, we over look the small details. For example ,he says, I am married shows off his ring, I enjoy her company she is the freak my wife is not! But if my wife ever found out about her, it would kill her, and I’d loose the woman I’ve grown with! That would hurt me! I know that but I still don’t want to stop enjoying her company, he looks at her grabs her hand and pecks the back of it!

So I keep her my secret, and she respects the fact she is my secret! If this secret ever comes to light, then I’ll handle it then!

But for now…

“If she ever becomes pregnant, what would you do?” I ask! “That’s a tough one!” He says! If it happens again, I don’t know, but I think the bigger sin would be bringing up a bastard baby! He looks at her, you understand what I mean? I can never be present in the baby’s life because you’ll stop being a secret, and you not being a secret will spoil everything for me! And not me alone but you as well…

Do you dream/imagine of being a single mum?

She, looks at me, “I can never mother a child out of wedlock”  I procured an abortion some time back, his child and I don’t regret any bit of it! I had my doubts that after terminating it, he’d walk out on me, but he didn’t the situation made us stronger, maybe 10years down the line and I have not met my perfect match and we are still together then, maybe then I’d drop my dignity and mother a bastard kid! But now.. now… I can’t!!

“Dignity!” I ask? But haven’t you lost it by sleeping with somebody else’s husband?

She laughs, those loud laughs! My dear how old are you again? I have lost nothing if I enjoy every act! Sometimes guilt clouds my mind, because I know it is a sin, but most days most days are those that I am happy!!! So I loose nothing by searching for happiness! Furthermore, its not like I currently fancy being a mother! Not at the moment!!

Don’t get me wrong, I am no home wrecker, so I’d never approach his wife to let her know that he is sleeping with me! Even when he walks out on me or decided to end this thing/situation we have. The time I’ll find myself doing that, is the time I’ll be loosing my dignity!!

The stranger asks for another round for all of us, then adds, you and your married guy.. how is it?

“What?” I ask?
“The situation”, he says..

I bite my lower lip!
How do I put it?
You see, he is just someone I know and those cold and lonely nights he comes through! Beyond that nothing much to tell…

I hope with that no further questions will be asked!!

“Shots?”
He asks…
That was a deep conversation!!

We all nod in agreement!!

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