Steps!

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I’m scared, scared that I will not be able to do this right!
I met her for coffee, but I wasn’t excited!
She called me asked what plans I had for the afternoon, she noticed the wimps in my voice and asked what was wrong!
I told her I felt like giving up! That I wasn’t cut for this! That I’d never be good enough!

She understood me, told me that would be the perfect time for us to meet for coffee!

“You look tired!” Those were the words she said when she saw me! I am tired! Haven’t slept for 3days!

Work?

Not really, the night scene has also been a favourite lately!
“You know you should cut out on that”
I am trying! But it somewhat makes me happy! Makes me numb to all that’s happening!

“How are you? You look happy! You are beautiful!” I tell her! There is something about her face! She is beautiful, and the grace her face hosts makes one feel home and at peace!

I want to tell her everything! How I lack sleep! How I’ve been drowning my self in thoughts! How I am afraid of my house!

“You were crying when I called you in the morning”
I’ve been crying every time I am alone! Emotions have been in plenty!I don’t feel sad! I am not mad either, I am not angry!!! I am just teary alot lately!! My whole life is changing! And not knowing how things will end up makes me all emotional!

“Him?”

I don’t know, we haven’t talked, I texted him though!

“You love him?’

“)Love?”

“I fear rejection! I have always feared it!

What will you eat?Drink?

It’s happy hour, I’ll take a long island!
Food?
Nope, I’ll snack on your order!

She stares! “Are you really okay?”

At it again!!!

I am okay, just overwhelmed with everything! You understand?

Talking to someone?

I’m talking with you!

No! Your friends?

Busy with life, you know how it gets!

“Why are you pushing them away? Why are you hiding from reality?”

I am not pushing anyone away, I just don’t know how these conversations begin! I don’t want a pitty party!!

“I am strong! I’ll get through this soon enough!”

You are beautiful!
She smiles, “don’t change the subject! Today it’s all about you.”

Don’t be scared! You are handling everything so well.. I know fear of the unknown is scary, but that shouldn’t make you scared!
I know you are strong, you claim to be strong! But remember we all need a support system! We need someone to rant to! We need someone who will keep checking on us! We need someone who will help us deal when the emotions are too many!!

The party scene won’t change the reality! It’ll only damage you! The temporary numbness is not worth your sanity and health!

But I’m scared, I don’t know how I’ll handle! I feel alone!

I am here, with you, for you! Call me anytime! I won’t give you a pitty party. I’ll help you do this! We are in it together.

She holds my hand! Your eyes are the stars!
I smile, you are beautiful! And I’m happy we met again, and you are willing to walk with me on this one!
“I told you I love you, and love never dies,mine for you never will! But you know we can never be! That doesn’t mean I can’t walk life’s journey with you!”

I can never make you feel like a woman, but I’ll always be a phonecall away!

She does this thing with her lips, I know what she means, I laugh a corky kinda laugh!

In between food and drinks, I tell myself that it will all be well!

This coffee date was worth it! The day just ended on a high!

We are doing this!

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