I saw her…
I saw her today! She is beautiful, more beautiful than the last time I saw her, that time she kissed my cheek!
She calls my name, I quickly rush to her, see how in hospitals they call out your name, time for you to go see a doctor!
She is a doctor, a beautiful doctor!
“You are beautiful”, I tell her, “your eyes are sparkling!”
“Hey Agnes, it has been a while, how do you do?” She never called me that! She said it sounded nun-ish
“Great!” I say with a smile, “I am g-r-e-at! You are beautiful!”
I notice something on her finger, I want to ask her who he is? Or if it is a she, but we live in Kenya, so it has to be a he!!! She notices my stare, smiles, “I am engaged, planning the wedding for October/November, haven’t yet set the date.”
“You are beautiful!” I say again, hoping this time round she will respond!
“What brings you in today”, she asks, as she goes through my file, “would you still want to see the doctor you have been seeing?” she asks
“No! I believe you know your work as well. You are beautiful”, I say once more!
“What happened? How did this happen”, she asks?
Story for another day I tell her, “maybe over a cup of coffee?” I ask?
“How are you feeling? The fact that you’ve come in this early says a lot! Are you in pain?”
Not anymore I say, tears start rolling from my eyes, I feel her hands touch mine, don’t worry dear you will be okay, you are okay! Allow me to run some tests, make your self comfortable on the bed.
“Who is he?” I ask as I seat on the bed and lie on my back. “Someone I met an year ago! He is heaven, my perfect fit!” The way you were mine I ask?
I am not like you, she says.
I hate it when she says she is not like me, yet she made me this being, the one she does not like been! Can people really change and become people they never were?
I feel her hands touch my side she is pressing my skin and it burns, my skin burns, my side hurts, where her hands are. “Stop!! It’s painful”, I yell.
“Have you been taking the drugs as prescribed?” She asks. Yes I have, but I’ve also been drinking a little bit, a glass of wine in the evening, a few vodka shots, I don’t do more than four I tell her!
“Who is he?” She asks.
The man making you this sick? She looks at my face!
I giggle, can’t it be a woman?
“Do you love him? The man you are going to marry?” I ask, crossing my fingers she will say something negative! And before she answers me, I tell her again how beautiful she has become.
Agy! Love you ask… I love my mother, I also love my father, a man I never got to meet! But I love him regardless. I love God, and Jesus his son, even though I’ve never set my eyes on them. So you ask if I love this man! A man, who will help me conceive children! Ill love my children, I will love them with every bone in me! I know you know that…
Do you love him?
“Who,” I ask?
“But what if it is a woman?”
I hate how you answer the questions, I tell her!
“You will be fine Agy! Stop being tough on yourself! You are going to be okay! Also just take the medication you were given to the letter, avoid those harsh drinks, they are not doing you any better!”
She always did this, not answering questions! I asked her if she loved the man she will be marrying, then brings up questions about a man, a man, another man, who is not her husband to be!
“Coffee sometime soon?” she asks
“Agy, before you leave, I loved you, I still do! You are beautiful, your eyes look like the stars! Do I love this man? The one who will be my husband? “
“I don’t know if I do, but he is like heaven! My perfect match that is okay for now! You see me and you can never be! I am not like you! And I know that you are also not like me, so we can never be a unit, society doesn’t acknowledge us! God hates us!”
She became religious!! I like it. I like her even more! I am on that spiritual walk as well, I want to tell her about it, my spiritual journey! How tough it has been and at the same time fulfilling, I want her to know these things that I don’t share with anybody!
I smile at her, “it is HIM, (she know what I am talking about) I think I love him!! But I do not know how love feels like, if you also claim to love me!! So let’s say, It is a man, that can never be mine, neither I his, the same way me and you can never be! Society doesn’t acknowledge me as His!!!!!”
I walk out of the hospital with a huge smile on my face, maybe all this happened for a reason!!! To know that she still cares, I am still her star!!
Agy you will come out of this stronger I tell myself!!!