I loved him!

I loved him!!

No! I loved his lies, and as soon as they stopped!!!

He told me I was beautiful,

I loved how he said it b-ee-uu-rr-i-ff-uu

So, the one time he said my nose was too long, I wondered how beautiful I was!

The problem was never him, it was me,

He loved girls in dreadlocks, so I kept mine unkempt, it made him happy, made me happy cause he was happy!

The problem was not him it was me! 

See, he taught me to keep blaming myself! That my thighs were too thick, my breasts not big enough, My hair not rough enough, my face not old enough, my touch not soft enough, my kisses not wet enough! I was never enough!

The time I found him wrapped in another’s arms, he said he was sorry, sorry that he saw her prettier! Sorry that I never picked his calls the night before, sorry that I had made him angry, sorry that I had pushed him to another!

I was sorry! 

The time I told him No, changed everything!

No, I will not wear that dress! It’s fitting is not right for me! No, I will not cancel my plans just to stay indoors! No, I will not wash your sheets, or cook for you!

He said, I’d become bold, that I was beginning to be different! That I’d changed my hair, and he never liked it! That I’d decided to take care of myself! That I loved myself!!


For once, he said something I believed! I loved myself! I realized I was beautiful, not because of how he said it, but because I smiled every time I looked into the mirror!!

See, I stopped doing what he wanted!! Started doing what I wanted! I loved him! I loved his lies, they made me think less of myself, and that was the problem!!

I was enough, more than enough for him!

I loved him, I loved his lies, I was enough!

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2 thoughts on “I loved him!

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