I told them that I wanted to be in love. So they asked me if I knew what love was. I looked at them and smiled, told them I knew what it was.
I told them it was a feeling, the one I felt when they were around me, when they texted me. When they invited me to their lavish parties, and road trips.
They laughed, I became sad, they laughed some more, I cried, I did not let them see my tears though, so I told them I was joking.
I told them I wanted to feel love, the type I read in books, the type they’d show in movies, the type people flaunted on the gram.
They looked at me, eyes wide and mouth agape. “😳”sweetheart that’s not love they said”
“Stop”, I said.
I want love, to be called such sweet names, just as you did, sweetheart, darling, honey, see you love me I said.
They laughed some more, asked me if I wanted another drink, told me they loved the other side of me, when I did not ask many questions,when I danced on table tops, when I’d tell them tales.
So, that is love I asked. When I am hiding from myself, when I am pleasing you all? When, I cannot cry in front of you? When the memories we have are those that involve a strong drink?
Maybe, it is, maybe it isn’t, they said.
So I asked them what love is. They smiled, the type of smile that has secrets.
They told me love does not exist, and if it did it is for fools. That’s why it is in books, with characters not known, that’s why it is in movies, so they may sell more.
I was sad, so love never was…
But I found it, found it in his voice, found it in the way he looked at me, found it in how he cared.
Love is, love was, love always has been, but never can one feel it, if you don’t love self first.