OF SPONSORS

I joined instagram not too long ago not because am the biggest fan of pictures. I prefer paintings instead. Pictures nowadays ceased to be used to capture memories and moments. Girls turned pictures into weapons against each other. A nonsensical charade of who’s wearing what and posing with synthetic Gucci clutch bags that they picked up at Toi market. To them its about uploading that picture they posed with borrowed clothes and heavy make up just to get a few likes on IG. Its become a disease and the mirror business has hit profit margins that were once highly improbable. You see only a mirror can get that angle of her bum that is usually padded with additions. Yes men love a well coifed ass but not a China one or Taiwanese. A genuinely curved African bottom that spots some cellulite here and there. Throw in some stretch marks and your sure that great ass isn’t synthetic.
Unfortunately they now feeding on chicken mash and pig supplements to produce a Genetically Modified Obstacle GMO within weeks. Nowadays you can hardly tell which ass is genuine until you spank it. GMOs are hard as a rock. Spank it foolishly in lust and you’ll physiotherapy for some weeks. If it doesn’t wobble, squirm, have cellulite or stretch marks, bruh that ass isn’t ISO certified authentic. In their quest for glam they’ve turned washroom mirrors into photo studios. Ever wondered why there is always a cue at the ladies? Its the photo shoots they take at 1am. Patel’s are smiling due to the mirror boom. For me IG was about following my favorite blogger biko for he was in patpong. I wanted a glimpse of that place. His stories about it were every mans dirty fantasy. I hear they perform miracles with their private parts. Miracles that have baffled scientists, clerics and witch doctors too.
Am hardly baffled apart from Njoki Cheges tantrums on print media. She’s a late bloomer and I think lack of dick on the regular fuels her tantrums and so she orgasms alternatively by spewing hate on fellow women. Anyway whatever rocks her anorexic bottom. When you have marbles for breasts its only natural to hate on the endowed by calling them fat. The assless patpong chics have me baffled as well. They’ve corroded my fifty shades fantasies. Am comfortable with the ancient kifo cha mende act. Its gets the job done never the less.
After intently scrutinizing IG Kenyan version am in agreement that if reside in Nairobi and you don’t own wheels you are screwed for you will have your woman screwed more than a screw itself. I don’t understand the gist behind selfies with safety belts on in a stationery car or one stuck in traffic. Does the seat belt accentuate makeup? Are seat belts part of a make up kit nowadays? With the current seat belt craze fashion houses will soon roll out seat belts labelled YSL and other top brands for those selfies and the Chinese will make a killing with look alikes. They know of our fake it culture. If you don’t own a car in Nairobi and your dating a selfie social path  my heart bleeds for you.
So you think the guy without wheels is screwed? Think again. The all holes screwed dude is the guy with wheels without a sunroof. Boss, she’ll be screwed in ways a screwdriver has never screwed a screw. It’s the new selfie craze. Stationery car. Seat belt. Sunroof. Have that or come let’s sneer at beer in silence. My prayers are with you brother. And have I mentioned engagement rings pictures flying left, right and Center. It never occurred to me acquiring a dog was such a feat. I thought the achievement was taming the dog. Never seen a ring turn into a dog leash. You get the point.
I honestly don’t think our current crop of socialites are hot. There is nothing hot in nudity. If nudity was that hot people would be buried naked. Its simple. If you are truly endowed not even a hijab or a pleated dress can confine endowment in the right places. Public display of nudity or some form of it even in a nipple isn’t flaunting beauty that’s make up for lack of it. Sexy isn’t crass. Tacky screams of tacked brains.
The lukewarm socialites eventually got heated up to hot by the media and we swallowed the shallowness. And with them they brought forth the sponsor term in new dimensions. Every male species craves dominance, its natural from apes to vultures and man is no exception. I don’t have an idea why ladies are so naive so as to think the old rich dudes are doing something new all together. When you reach  a certain point of life where you have more than you need you need something new to dominate and conquer and to do that you have to ward of competition by a show of might. The over hyped socialites are few and moneyed pricks outnumber the rate at which society is producing the so called hot females and the moneyed wants what’s already had by a fellow competitor or better so the hype bloats not that the girls get better. Women generally love freebies. Eve is evidence enough. She got tempted with just an apple by a snake. Imagine!!! Eve could have plucked the fruit by herself as much as it was illegal to pluck that fruit. But when she saw the apple she saw a freebie and not the illegality of the apple nor the consequences. And it’s still so with the current generation of women they see freebies first in the sponsor not knowing he’s simply fulfilling a natural indulgence similar to apes or chimpanzees of dominating and conquering and unfortunately the pictures littered allover social media and its become every woman’s dream to get hold of a sponsor by peace or by force.
If you look at it soberly, sponsors aren’t a new fad. They’ve existed and co existed for years in tandem with prostitution. That’s why we had mistresses back then they had moneyed niggers after them. Women have simply eclipsed the mistress and concubine terminology to help ease the guilt. My dear its simply one and the same thing. If you have a sponsor do not frown upon being called a concubine. The curse from eve of freebies is in your marrow.
Logically speaking anyone can be a sponsor even the less moneyed. All you need is a naive subject amazed by glitter even if its of cutlery. Proceed to dish freebies you have at your disposal. My mums gate keeper is a sponsor to the house help next door. He simply has lots of airtime and she non. For 20 Bob sambazas he gets P on the regular and the house help airtime as freebie.
Being a Sponsor means having a  loose wallet, brain and  morals south of the navel. Seems like Eves freebie curse is here to stay. King Solomon remains the unbeaten sponsor of all ages. He should get a posthumous award and girls should find their brains soon. Especially the nudes for freebies imbeciles
-Koome Mwiti-

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