Mixed feelings- The Enigma

so they said,” sex is the consolation you have when you can’t have love”, and what if love was the consolation of sex? would i be wrong to say that i have loved and not lusted? And what if Love is a strange emotion and that it  is ever evolving,and that lust is transient. With time, one realizes that love and togetherness are two different things, and that very few people are lucky enough to experience the two emotions simultaneously…
From the time I was wise enough to decipher that the female gender is quite a conniving lot many women have labelled me as deeply arrogant. And I always tell them off with the widest of grins that they are deeply ignorant. Call a woman ignorant and it will piss her to Timbuktu and back. But Its true if I would swallow my pride I would choke on it. Its too big even for me. The wisest words my dad has ever told me is that a man without pride is no better than a dog. You have nothing to live for. But being proud doesn’t strip you of your earthly duty to be humane to all beings. It simply resonates your existence in this world. Something to chest up about as you walk the streets. Am never arrogant. I’ve learnt women don’t like the truth told as it is. They like a lie fabricated and woven intricately so that it looks like the truth but at the back of their minds they damn know it ain’t. When you do not sugarcoat the truth so that it doesn’t become a bitter pill they call you arrogant. Its a pity,But one thing is for sure, no male has ever fully understood his woman. They are like a fart, you can never know when it will cause a ruckus.
Love has been used as an excuse for many things. The word has been abused more than alcohol if you ask me. Alcohol is overrated in my opinion. We give it so much undue accolades that we bloat its ego for achievements it never contributed to. A dude beats up his wife half to death. First excuse when he’s back to his senses, alcohol. A woman unmans her man like the famous nyeri lot. First excuse, this guy drinks too much. People fornicate to the high ends and when your rewarded with a venereal disease or HIV, same old tune. Ni pombe.  I’ve never alcohol give a man an erection. Barley and water aren’t aphrodisiacs  or split a woman’s leg for her to fornicate. Alcohol isn’t a lubricant.
Having a whirlwind of emotions that’s not love, that’s confusion. Having mixed feelings isn’t love either it’s simply being undecided. Having lots of sex isn’t love, you are a sex pest. You need help. Having a strong desire for a gorgeous woman ain’t no love either. Bruh that’s lust. Go thaw ice with your missus and apologize for your philandering acts. You’ll get booty on a regular and your lust levels will dramatically subside.
Wars have been fought for women like the legendary Helen of Troy. I’ve seen chaps go crazy in the name of love while ignorant of the fact that their family has a history if mental disorder not love. Dude simply needs admission in a mental asylum. Third rate Mexican soap operas are a big hit for women because they give them something to fantasize about. They bring out unattainable levels of romance that no sane dude can achieve. They then crown it with the grand illusion of love. That Mexican shit is a drug. I call it opium “feminalia”. It addicts and kills valid dreams with illusions. My son has a dislike for them yet he cannot tell the difference between pee and poop but can tell the difference between stupidity and utter stupidity. Stupidity is for sane people. Utter stupidity is for anyone who watches mexican soaps, nollywood & Njata TV.
Many a women have come to me all teary eyed narrating how they love him and wish he could change and my answer is and always remains the same. Only a mans mother can change a man. Period. Proceed and ask them what they love about him and your left in shock. Its the way he looks at me. Jesus looked at his crucifiers and they still drove nails into him. You proceed and ask what would they like the dude to change. His friends she replies. You now get irritated. She’s known the dude for like 1 year yet the dude has known his mates for 20 years. I sneer at my beer a suitable insult forming in my brain. Ladies friends might influence a man but they do not define him. A man is what he chooses to be.
You see that excitement that runs through your body when your with that person? That’s common sense leaving. That’s why you mumble inane things the entire night and perform senseless acts and thereafter declare hogwash about love at first sight. You have a special place in hell. Great relationships are nurtured on friendship. You get to know that person first, you get to like that person and then you can fall into whatever you feel like with that person for you understand them wholly as a package. You are at home with their strengths and flaws. You don’t use their weaknesses as a weapon nor do you see their friends as an obstacle for you truly care about that person. Stroll in love. Walk in love. Ran in love but do not dare fall in love. That pit is like the friend zone pit. Once your inside you cannot fall outta love. Can you fall inside a pits pit? You cannot fall inside two pits. You fall in love and you fall out of love? Falling twice is never healthy even from a mango tree. Ask your general practitioner. Am I against love? No. Am simply against confusion. Do I love? Am human silly! What’s my point then? Friendship should form the core of any relationship. It is only then you’ll name the things you love about that person for you understand them. Understanding your person cannot be derived from soaps, its cannot be fully derived from a persons friends, family or background only a fragment can. It can only be derived through genuine friendship that emphasizes the need to know a person and never the need to lust after a person or to use the person.
I think people get lost when they think of love as a destination. We are always thinking, desiring, fantasizing and dreaming of being in love. That We’ll get that person that fixes everything. Love is a mood and a condition. It is not a destination. It’s comes and goes, it’s not permanent, and that’s okay. And I feel like if people thought of it that way, with genuine friendships forming first, they’d find love a lot more often.
-Koome Mwiti-

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